Prayer Life

I tend to be too formal in my prayer life. Often I catch myself asking God to bless my food when I am not even eating. I am trying to become less formal, but it seems that when I am less formal, I’m not sure what to ask for. I find myself getting stuck in prayer, unsure if I am being clear enough, or if I am really communicating enough. I believe that if I could really learn to talk to God, rather than just pray, I would benefit from it tremendously. I plan to be extremely informal and get used to talking with God as if He was just another person in the room, and once I am comfortable with that, I will work on getting more formal. I believe that this is the best route for me.

The Cost of Time

I would like to spend more time reading my Bible. I struggle with finding time, and quite honestly the drive to read the word. I love the Bible, and I will spend weeks in constant study of it, if there has been an interesting study on my mind, but lately I have not been active in my personal studies. I truly am saddened by this, I love studying in depth topics, but I am out of study ideas. I think what would be best for me, is to grow in my prayer life more, and pray for God to give me a desire for all things in the Bible, even the things that do not interest me right now.

A Vigorous Passion

My studies here at ETBU have been enriched by my spiritual life, but even more so, my spiritual life has been enriched by my studies. I no longer believe in a pseudo evangelism. I have grown in my walk with the Lord, and found a more sound belief system thanks to my vigorous studies.

My Cross

My most problematic area mentioned in "The Dark Night of the Soul" is my humility. I struggle greatly with Pride. As I was reading, I could not help but relate to every word said about Pride by John of the Cross. I have been exactly what he said, and I feel the conviction. This man obviously understood these things himself, to be able to write so honestly about them. I pray that God rob me of my pride, and enrich me in humility. For those who read this, please pray for me as well, it will be extremely hard for me.

Sister Blog Summary-Ashley Pollard: God’s Love

On Ashley Pollard’s Blog “God’s Love”, she discusses about God’s love for her and in turn her love for people. However, she says “I love others because God does, and He calls us to do so.” I find myself in the exact same mindset. I have never been a people person, in fact people were the main reason I was skeptical to the faith before my conversion. I have to fight my disgust of people daily, because I struggle with loving others. I used to be much worse, but one day it hit me between the eyes, when I realized that my unloving attitude towards people would hinder my love towards God. I knew the verses telling me to love others so that we can love God, so it wasn’t a biblical passage that changed me, but a long drawn out patience test. I lived in the same room with the worst possible combination of person for me. It was so difficult, but throughout the test, I found myself being able to deal with others in longer time frames, not because I was so used to having problems, but because I realized that there will always be someone that you do not like, and that doesn’t like you. We can give out a pseudo love for people, pretending that it is real, but when you come to the understanding that through an unloving attitude, we can understand what love really is. Love is not a feeling, or a certain emotion placed in a timeframe, but rather, love is a commitment through thick and thin. We are to love one another, not because we want to, but because we are told to. I am proud to say that by myself, I DO NOT love people, but with God, I CANNOT help but love them. If you disagree, look at Luke 14:26. I am not talking about a vengeful hate, a hate that lingers in your heart, but a hate of what is not Holy and Righteous. This includes the unloving, hateful, attitude that was once in me, but is now replaced with a godly distaste of nothing more than the sin found in people.

You may see this as a churchy response, but I believe that the majority of those who read this blog will find themselves uncomfortable, unsure about whether what I am saying is correct. However, if we are honest, we all can relate to the words I am saying. I do not HATE people, but I do HATE when people choose to sin. I hope and pray that all who read this blog would read it carefully and understand the reality of the human nature, and grow in understanding from the truth found in our everyday situations.

The Fearful Deceiver

The one great fear of the deceiver is that his secret deceits are confessed and that his intentions are made known. When we are facing a problem, no matter how severe or crazy, it is best to be completely open and honest, because if you are talking to a responsible Christian, who you trust has your best intentions in mind, they should not let you down. If it is a sinful calling of great proportions such as whether or not you should have an abortion, or convince someone of having an abortion, or anything of a serious life or death situation, it is highly recommended that you seek counsel before making any rash decisions, however, all sins should be treated similarly equal. Whether it seems small or big, it will most definitely have an effect on those around you. Everyone should have someone that they are open with, however, trusting is hard. I find myself many times unwilling to trust another person, thus causing myself much more grief that I have to face by myself. I commit to this day to strive for excellence, including confession of sinful desires. I pray that all would do the same.

3 Gifts

I desire quite a bit of things from God, most unfortunately selfish. I desire things like a running vehicle, and a happy life, but when I reflect on such desires, I honestly believe that beyond the material desires I have, that there are spiritual things that I desire more. The three things that I desire most from God would have to be…

1.)    That God make use of me and that in my use I would honor Him. I do not want to be useless. I do not want to waste time. I want to use every bit of my time to be useful and productive towards the Kingdom of God.

2.)    That God would continue to lead me down the path of righteousness and justification, as he has done recently. I do not want to return to my old ways, and for that I am thankful to God.

3.)    That God would reveal Himself to me more and more each day so that I will continue to burn the fire in my soul and edify my spirit by the knowledge and understanding only granted by God, for God.